second thoughts before the wedding
Have we all been there? I know I have! I think it was a week before the our wedding, I had a big fight with my husband. I don’t even remember what it was about. All I remember was me throwing a mineral water bottle at him, and him, kicking and denting my car. LOL! Yes, it was that BIG. I’m pretty sure it was just because of all the stress that we’ve suddenly had to endure. You see, while we were in the middle of planning our wedding, we were also in the process of buying our first condo, and submitting our citizenship application. Oh yeah, and we were also renewing our passports at that time. So you can just imagine, all of the paperwork we had to do, and organizing all the requirements, and going to and from all the different places in a matter of months. I think it really took a toll in our relationship. BUT, the good thing was that, we both knew that the reason for our major fight, was just due to all that was happening around us. Not because of us. I think it was key to keeping our relationship stable at that time and still going through the wedding.
IS IT NORMAL TO HAVE SECOND THOUGHTS BEFORE THE WEDDING?
Of course it is. It’s human nature to always second guess ourselves. It’s also part of self-preservation, I guess. We always want the best for ourselves and we want to make sure we’re doing the right thing. That’s just it.
BUT, and it’s a big BUT, if you are having second thoughts about marrying someone, you can’t ignore it, and assume that you’re just getting cold feet. That’s what people always say to someone having second thoughts. “Oh you’re just getting cold feet, it’s normal.” Maybe. Maybe not. It depends on what the root of your thoughts are.
Did something happen recently that triggered your thoughts? Did your partner do something that hurt you or turned you off? If it is something new, and you think you cannot live with it for the rest of your life, then maybe talk to your partner about it right away. Discuss it, instead of punishing yourself thinking about it.
If your partner did something that turned you off, look around and ask yourself, is it because of what is going on around you guys? Or is it really his nature to do the thing he did. Just like what happened between me and husband before we got married. I realized that we were both acting the way we were, because of stress. Imagine scenarios. Ask yourself, would he do what he did if you guys were in a different scenario? That’s what I did and still always do, even now that we’re married. Especially when we’re fighting about expenses. I always sit back, and ask myself, “Will we be fighting like this if we had money?” And the answer is always no. SO I know that it’s just a money issue and not an “us” issue. And we all know that money comes and goes, but our relationship is always there.
Are you thinking of someone else? If this is the reason of your second thoughts, and I would suggest seeing a therapist. I cannot offer a good advice on this because who knows what the root is? I can tell you that maybe it’s just cold feet. I can tell you that maybe, you’re just feeling a little nostalgic because you’re getting married, but who knows? The only person who can help you assess those feelings is a professional. That’s the best solution for you.
Are you both having second thoughts? IF you are both feeling that same way, talk about it. Find out the reason for your sudden change of hearts. Maybe you’re both stressed out and tired of all the things going on? Try and seek couple’s counselling to try to guide you. In most cases, it’s just stress. Wedding planning is a very stressful thing.
If the thoughts are there, the best thing you can do for yourself is take time away from all the things that are going on, and focus on yourself. The wedding, your marriage, is the start of your lives together. You don’t want to start that journey with doubts and questions. Take time for the two of you to just be alone and do what you normally do as a couple, before all the wedding planning started. Maybe, you guys will both be reminded of the good times, and realize that these is just all because of the wedding.
