in sickness and in health
This post is a tribute to all the couples out there who have gone through or are still going through some health issues and scares in their relationship.
I don’t know if I told you guys about this, but I lost my dad when I was 8. My mom was pretty young then, she was 37, while my dad was 39 when he died. I didn’t realize how young that age was until I reached that same age, and I was like, “Wow I don’t think I can handle the same thing my mom went through.”
Here’s what happened, my dad was highly asthmatic, and growing up in the Philippines didn’t help because of the pollution. Everyday after work, my dad will pick up my mom (their workplace was pretty close each other) and they would ride the bus to go home, and that bus ride was 2 - 3 hours. We live far from the city. It was a fairly new neighborhood at that time that my dad picked to build a house at because he liked the peace and quiet that a busy, polluted city doesn’t offer. Anyway, one night on the bus, my dad had a really, really bad asthma attack. They were already close to our house, and that time, back in 1989, there was no hospital in our area yet, only a small clinic that doesn’t have the proper equipment needed to help my dad. SO my dad was bought there. They were waiting for an ambulance to transport him to the city hospital, but there had been complications, and he suffered a cardiac arrest which ultimately killed him. I remember that night very clearly, it was Friday, the 13th (can you imagine?) I was already sleeping in the bedroom. and I woke up because somebody was screaming in the house. SO I walked outside the bedroom, and my mom was there screaming and crying, my grandma was holding her tightly. SO I asked what was going on, and my mom said, “Your dad is gone”. I didn’t really understand it, I was 8. I thought it was a joke or something. I went back to the bedroom and told my older brother, half smiling, I said, “Daddy’s dead.” And my brother got mad at me and screamed, “Why are you smiling?? Daddy’s dead!” Then he burst out crying. That’s when it finally hit me, as I looked at him with so much tears in his eyes, that it was indeed, real and true. My dad is gone. That’s when I fell on the bed and cried my heart out. The following days were a blur. I was kid, I was already playing the next day. I forgot most of it already. But I will never forget, up to now, every clear in my memory was my mom, a few weeks after the funeral. It my was friends’ birthday party. I was on my way to her house, and I went to her bedroom to say goodbye. When i opened the door, she was sitting in the dark, by the bed, hugging hers and my dad’s 8x10 sized wedding picture. She wasn’t crying, she was just sitting there. I will never forget it because even though I was only 8 at that time, I felt sad for her. She looked so alone. I told her I’m going to the neighbor’s house, and she looked at me, smiled and said “Ok, Ill see you later.” Looking back now, I know that what she was doing at that time was for herself. She needed the alone time, the space, the nothingness of the surroundings to deal with my dad being gone.
I started with this story because when you get married, the line, in sickness and in health, till death do us part”, for me is one of the most important line next to “ I promise to be faithful”. I say this because sticking to your husband/wife or partner, in the face of health scares and what not, is a sign of real, true love. Not a lot of people can handle going through a thing like that. My mom, unfortunately, went all the way to till death do us part. Queen Elizabeth II and King Phillip were married for than 70 years, and they both lived very long lives. That is the embodiment of Till death do us part, because it was really death that separated them. Nowadays, it’s so hard to find long lasting marriages compared to before. Divorce is so rampant, sometimes couples still divorce after 50 years. Celebrities that you thought would las long, are now rumored to be separated, like Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady.
That is why when I see couples getting married in hospitals, like I’ve seen on the news so many times, I feel sad and happy at the same time. Happy. because in the short time that they both have with each other, they want to honor their love, and sad because I know that one of them is dying soon. Why do they subject themselves to that kind of trauma? Why make yourself suffer more, by getting married and then losing your husband/wife or partner eventually? The simple answer is, because it’s pure love. Personally, I think it’s a good tribute to the relationship and also, to make you person leaving, happy. I am lucky that I haven’t witnessed any of my loved ones, or close friends go through something like that, because I will definitely cry so much that’ll distract everyone. But of course, if it happens I will be fully supportive and help with whatever they need.
I don’t want to end this blog post on a dark note, but since our topic is sickness and death, if you have a loved one or a friend who will be getting married in that way (rushed due to time limit). Here are some things you can do to make it special:
If the person who is sick cannot leave the house or hospital, help make the room look more like a dream by doing flower arrangements, ask your friends what kind of flowers would they be choosing if they’re going to have a regular wedding, and decorate according to that.
If the person who is sick cannot change clothing, order a fancy blanket to cover their body in, and make sure their hair is perfect. Accessorize the hair if you can.
If the sick can move by wheelchair, accessorize the wheel chair decorate it the way you’d decorate a wedding car. Look for a place in the hospital or close to the house, if they’re at home, where you can do the ceremony. Rent an arch or do one yourself so that they can do it there.
If the sick cannot leave the room, make sure the only people on there are the most important ones. The officiant, the immediate family, and closest friends. Don’t overcrowd the room, it might not be allowed by the hospital anyway.
Hire 1 musician to provide a solemn music for the ceremony. A violinist, or acoustic guitar or harmonica player will do. Depending on what the couples likes.
Those are just some ways you can help make their event special. I hope you never have to go through that though.
But always remember that, everyone of us on Earth is on borrowed time, some people just tend to go earlier than the others. What is important is that your time on Earth is well spent, lived to the fullest, and surrounded by pure, true love. Let us give love to the highest degree, and let yourself feel loved.
