how to deal with family pressure
Wedding planning can be overwhelming. There are so many things to decide on, like the venue, invitations, guests, menu, décor, etc. In a dream world, everything will be easy-peasy. But in reality, it can be a real nightmare. That is why if you have the budget, go hire yourself a wedding planner to absorb some of the stress in the decision making.
Have you seen the show “Rich bride, Poor bride”? The wedding planners are GODS. I mean, they can magically transform someone’s dream wedding, into reality, even with different types of budgets. BUT, I cannot imagine being a wedding planner. I do not have the patience to deal with brides and grooms, unless they’re my close friends. And not only do you deal with brides and grooms, but you also deal with the parents, especially if they’re the ones paying for the wedding, because they will have a say. Oh yes, they always HAVE a say.
If your parents are paying for the whole, or part of the wedding, be prepared for some “requests”. Heck, even if they're not paying at all, they will have requests. I thought it was only with Asian families, but as I watch different wedding shows on tv, I realized, it’s with all types of families. You get those types of parents or relatives that have opinions and suggestions. And then when you turn them down, all hell breaks lose.
Yes, it be smooth sailing at the beginning, but sometimes the stress is all too much for the bride, that she turns on the fight mode or the break down mode. Either way, it’s not good.
How to say NO
Simply put, just say NO. There’s no other way, there’s no secret wording or anything like that. I know it sounds easy, but it’s not. Like for me, my personality is that of a people pleaser and I also hate confrontations. SO for me to say no to a request made by, let’s say my mom, it will take hard work and guts! Literally gut wrenching. I will probably just say yes to avoid any other conversation whatsoever about it. But it is your wedding. It has to be your choice, yours and your husband-to-be. The 2 of you are the only ones who have the final say.
Just tell them that no, you can’t invite your whole clan because you the venue doesn’t allow it, or you don’t want your cousin to be bridesmaid because the last time you saw her was 20 yrs ago. Just say NO and see what happens. Let’s start with that.
Be FIRM.
Be assertive, not aggressive. It’s one of my favorite lines, when I’m on a job interview. There’s a big difference, you see. When you get angry or lose your patience, you’re definitely going to look like a bridezilla to everyone, especially your family. Just be firm in saying no. Remind them that it is your wedding. It’s not theirs. Your parents had theirs. Your aunts or uncles will have their say in their own kid’s weddings. I don’t think they’ll be mad. and if they do, then I’m sorry but they can stay mad if they want. You don’t have to worry about that. You have other things to worry about.
Compromise. If the request is reasonable but you just can’t fit it anywhere in your plans, maybe come up with a solid compromise, I’m sure you can think of something to appease everyone at least. You don't have to give in to their request, you just have to adjust some things, to give way, but not to the point of changing any decision you’ve already made.
Do not take it personally. Unless it comes to a point where your parents are disowning you. LOL. If your parents or relatives have certain requests, think of it as them asking your for a favor, no matter how persistent they seem. No matter how angry they become when you say no. Just think of everything as a suggestion from there, because sometimes it really is just a suggestion that sounds like a request. When they ask you for something, don’t look at it as them pushing you to do something you don’t want to do. Maybe they’re just also waiting to see if you’ll accept it or not. If you had a fight with your parents or relatives during the wedding planning, put it behind you. It’s all part of it. It happens to most families during weddings, not just you. Don’t take it personally. Weddings should be the start of something good, not the beginning of “never talking to them again”.
Be Understanding. I know, it’s your wedding, they should be the one understanding you. But it’s your family. Try to listen and be open minded, sometimes what they’re saying really do make sense, you just cant see it yet because you fee like they’re pushing you.
At the end of the day, the happiest persons in your wedding, should be you and your husband. It’s your day. Weddings should be an event filled with love, and not anger or resentment. Enjoy the journey. Enjoy your wedding day.
