dad or stepdad: who should give me away?
It’s a difficult question for some brides, because depending on the family situation, the decision making process can cause stress, long arguments, and sometimes, hurtful words. I am glad I didn’t have to go through that. No, actually, I am not. I take that back, because I lost my dad when I was 8. I had a step dad, but him and my mom got married when I was already 25, so he didn’t really raise me or anything like that. So when I walked up the stairs to meet my husband when we got married, it was my mom with me. I consider her my dad, because she’s the one who raised my brother and I, by herself, after my dad died. You are lucky if you have a dad and step dad. That’s 2 dads!!
But with 2 dads, comes the difficult decision that you, as the bride, will have to make: who gives you away?
The simple answer to that, is of course your real dad. That is, if he had been a constant presence in your life after he divorced, or separated with your mom. If he’s always been there, and never left your side through it all, then yes, of course, let your dad walk you. I’m sure he dreamt of that day since you were born. Let him have it. If you are one of the lucky ones with blended family, where everyone gets along well, and your dad’s close to your step dad, then I’m sure your step dad will be happy to give way to your dad, right?
What if your dad, just came back to your life after being gone for most it? What if your step dad was the one who raised you?
For that, I would say let your step dad give you away. I guess the key is, whoever is closest your heart is the one who should walk you, and give you away. Like for me, it was mom. I was very close to my big brother growing up, he was my best friend, but when I got married he was back in our country. If he was with us at that time, he would’ve walked with me and gave me away. So I say, let your heart decide.
It’s a lot of emotions for you, I’m sure. If you’re not close to your real dad, it’s a very easy decision. But if you are close to your dad, even if it was your stepdad who raised you, that’s when the decision becomes very, difficult. On one hand, you want your dad to be a part of your most special day, but on the other hand you want to honor your step dad because he loved and raised you as his own.
Talk about it with your mom. Don’t be ashamed to ask her to help you decide. She maybe biased a bit LOL, depending on her relationship with your real dad, but as your mom, I’m sure she’ll truly want to help you on your special day.
Whoever you decide to give you away, let the other party know right away, and tell him in a good way. I'm sure that if you’re in this kind of dilemma, it means that you are so loved by both your dads. So no matter who you choose, the other person will understand, and will continue to support and love you. Their feelings might get a little bit hurt, they may or may not let you know how they feel about your decision, but either way, your heart will know if you made the right choice.
If you truly can’t decide, or you don’t want to choose anybody because you don’t want to hurt either one, then let both of them walk you and give you away. It’s the best compromise. It’s not uncommon. In fact, I’ve been to weddings where both dads gave away the bride. It was actually a very touching moment, everyone was teary eyed. You can really feel the love of both the dads, for their daughter.
SO there are your your options. Weigh your decisions, ask for your mom’s opinion, your best friend’s opinion. Ask around, but in the end, follow you heart. Your heart knows who to choose.
Whatever you decide on, I am assuring you, a hundred percent, that your dads will love you no matter what.
