can i invite an ex to my wedding?
The answer seems easy, right? Some might say, “We’re all adults, we’re both mature, there’s no problem here”. But for others, this question could cause a whole lot of stress and conflict in the upcoming wedding. I wouldn’t have had an issue if my husband wanted to invite his ex to our wedding, and vice versa, but that’s us. I am not here to judge. I am here to talk about this issue because I know a couple who almost cancelled their wedding because of this question.
So is it ok? The only way to decide is to look at some facts, and talk to your fiancé/fiancée about it. There is no other way.
2 Facts to be considered:
How long were you two together? How did you two meet? This is important because history is a major factor. Were you childhood friends? Are your families, friends? Childhood sweethearts, perhaps? It is hard not to invite your ex if your ex is very close to your family, and most especially, if your ex’s family is blended with your family. BUT, your family will not be deciding for you. It is up to you to decide. If you are going to use history and family relations as a reason, make sure to really explain it to the person you’re marrying, because although for you it maybe nothing, it might be something for him/her. Besides, he/she might be uncomfortable seeing how close your family is to your ex.
Reason for break up - what was the reason for the break up? Was it because one of you fell out of love? Was it a mutual decision? If the reason is not due to falling out of love, but maybe distance, or time, then it might prove to be complicated because there’s always that thought lingering in the back of your your fiancé/fiancee’s head,that the love was very real but the timing was just wrong.
Before you ask, first things first, are you asking for permission to invite your ex? OR are you just letting the person you’re marrying know that you’re inviting your ex? Sometimes, we ask questions that we already know the answer to, so when we ask, we are prepared battle. And let me tell you this, this battle is not worth it. This is not the time to argue about who’s right or wrong, because the answer to your question is based on feelings.
Feelings. Not facts. Not logic. FEELINGS.
TALK IT OVER
Ask yourself the question first. WHY? Why do you need to invite your ex? What is the purpose of this? I can understand if you have kids together, and your ex has always been a big part of the family. If you have kids together, I’m sure the person you’re marrying probably met your ex already, and he/she won’t have any trouble understanding why you need to invite your ex. It’s also a good way to show the kids that the family is just being extended.
Look at celebrities who coparent. Demi Moore and Bruce Willis is one perfect example of exes being best friends. Bruce was there when Demi got married, and vice versa. It’s such a loving relationship between the two. Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick also co parent, and they’re also friends, if I should say so. Kourtney invited Scott to her wedding to Travis Barker. But Scott, out of courtesy, didn’t attend. It’s not unusual to invite your ex, especially if you have kids together. It’s very common.
If you have no kids with your ex, what is the reason for the invitation? I think the only acceptable reason here, is because you’re still very good friends, and you still see each other in a non romantic way. I think for this reason, the person you’re marrying will definitely understand.
Start by asking straight out if it’s ok to invite your ex. There’ s no going around it, just ask and see what happens. I am not a councilor, or an expert on things like this, so that’s the only thing I can tell you, if we’re being honest here. That’s what I would do if I were in a situation like that. If the answer is yes, then good. If the answer is why? Then prepare to explain.
The key here is to be understanding. Understand that if the answer to your question is no, then it is no. You can convince some, you can explain some, but if the answer is still no, then there is no way around it. It is NO. You can’t hold that against the person you’re marrying, because like I said earlier, it is about feelings. If the person you’re marrying is not comfortable seeing your ex there, then don’t invite. Why would you do something to dampen the mood of your fiancé/fiancée on what is supposed to be the happiest moment of both your lives? Right? If the answer no, let it go. Move on.
If the answer is YES, then go ahead. If the answer is YES, but you feel like it’s a fake Yes, don’t pretend that it’s a real yes. By this time, you should know the person you’re marrying, right? You should know when that person’s being honest.
At this point in time, the only people that matters, are you and the person you’re marrying. The two of you are only ones who have a say in your wedding. So if one of you is not ok with anything about the wedding, then it’s time to adjust. Compromise! That’s one of the keys to a good marriage anyway.
