dealing with a future monster in law
Have you seen the movie Monster in Law with JLo and Michael Vartan? For those who haven’t, the title pretty much sums it up for you. A perfect couple’s relationship is almost ruined by the mother of the guy, played by THE GREAT Jane Fonda. She’s the monster in law, and by monster I mean she really did “way out of line” stuff to JLO. In the end though, love prevailed and they all lived happily ever after. Or at least until the end of the movie. We all know that in real life, some relationships like that stay like that forever, meaning it’s never fixed. Stuff like this happens in real life, although not as exaggerated as the movie. I know a lot of people who experience this kind of problems with their in laws. I am not one of those people because I am so lucky to have an amazing mother in law. I never had any problems whatsoever.
Sometimes, it’s not even just the mother in law, sometimes, it’s the father, or siblings, or worse, the whole family who’s really against you. Take for example, the Duchess of Sussex, Meghan Markle. I know it’s mostly the tabloids fueling the gossip, and we never really know for sure what went on inside the Palace, but being an outsider doesn’t mean I don’t know what might be happening. I say this simply because of the fact that Meghan is black, and she’s doesn’t have a royal blood. She’s not your typical Princess material. So for that alone, I think some members of the monarchy definitely had an issue with her before she got married to Prince Harry. Maybe now it’s all good. Who knows? Same as the rumor going on about Victoria Beckham and Nicola Peltz, the wife of Brooklyn Beckham, Victoria’s eldest son. It is rumored that as of right now, they’re not in good terms. So really, it can happen to anyone, regular people, or celebrities or royalties.
What if your future mother in law is giving you problems before the wedding?
If your future mother in law is giving you problems right now, like let’s say, she’s always butting heads with you regarding the wedding, here are some things you can do or say:
Let her know that it is your wedding so the decisions should be yours and your partner's alone. You don’t have to be aggressive, just be assertive and tell her no, in a firm but respectful way. It’s all about the tone. You can’t talk in a soft way, and you can’t really words like “ OK we’ll think about it or we’ll figure something out”. If you say something like that, it will open the floodgates of suggestions and changes that “you might want o figure out too”. Unless you’re really open to some viable suggestions then ok, think about it. But if you know for sure that you won’t ever do what she’s suggesting, then say it right away.
Before you get married, make sure that your partner knows what is going on. That is, that his/her mother is giving you issues. This is for your own peace of mind. It’s better that your partner knows so that you won’t be forced in the future, to get along, or to spend more time with your mother in law. It’s also so that he/she knows that there is no way you and his/her mother can live in the same roof for a long time.
If the fighting or conflict is getting way out of hand, take your mother-in-law out to dinner. This is not done so that you’ll be on her good side. But rather, this will give you guys a chance to have a one on one adult conversation. Just you and her. This way, there are no other people around to mess with your heads. Also, you’ll hear your sides straight from the source, and not passed on by other members of the family.
Let her know that she will not replaced. She will forever be the mother. SOmetimes, mothers-in-law act a certain way because they’re somewhat scared that they are slowly being kicked out of their kids’ life. Sometimes they just want assurance that they will forever be the mom of their grown child. Let her know that you are saying no to some of the suggestions, not because you are shutting her out, but because you simply don’t think it’s good for your wedding. It is your wedding afterall.
Should you still get married knowing she will forever be in your life?
The answer is, of course yes! You should still get married, because you are marrying the son or daughter. You’re not marrying the mother. It’s not going to be a big issue, unless she’s going to be living with you guys after you get married. Then that’s another story.
Let me leave you with this:
Do you remember how your parents reacted when you first told them that you are in your first relationship? I remember my mom was angry. I was in high school that time. I’m sure she was angry because I was so young, but now that I’ve grown up and gotten married, I realized that she was angry because she couldn’t believe that I’m no longer the little girl she used to take care of by herself. The thought that someone else was ready to love and take care of me, was new to her at that time. I think that’s what parents go through when their kid tells them that they are getting married. They get scared because they’re being replaced. For mothers especially, because mothers have taken care of their kids, from the 9 months in the tummy, to growing up. Then all of sudden, someone is going to be doing that role. It’s a hard thing for moms. Some moms adjust quickly, while others take a while. The key is to be patient and firm. You just have to assure her that no matter what happens, even if you’re already there, she will always be a part of yours and your partner’s life.
